


Destiel (idk can i change this later?)

by Art3mis_Granger_the_fangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Try, Fluff, I am so sorry, M/M, Old Work, Smut, car-sex, kill me please, send help, this is so bad, you will want to tear your eyes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24501838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3mis_Granger_the_fangirl/pseuds/Art3mis_Granger_the_fangirl
Summary: please don’t read this
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Castiel, Dean/Cas, Destiel
Kudos: 6





	Destiel (idk can i change this later?)

**Author's Note:**

> so sorry

-dean-  
Dean sat in the Impala, speeding down the road, no particular destination in mind. It was late at night, or was it morning? He didn’t really know. He had had a nightmare and, feeling antsy, quietly left the hotel room without waking Sam, getting in the car and driving off.

-cas-  
Despite being a world away, (literally, since he’s in heaven) cas became aware that something on earth was not right. Although he gets this feeling more often than not because of all the conflict on earth, he felt that this was different.  
This wasn’t a cry to the angels or to god for help..  
This was the cry of a man whom Castiel shared a profound bond with. A man who deserved love, and quiet, and peace, and every other good thing in creation, for this man has sacrificed everything for the good of others, and for those who were not able to defend themselves from monsters (both literal and metaphorical) that earth possessed.  
This man was Dean Winchester.  
Dean had called for Cas before when in need, but never directly. Never for this kind of emotional need instead of for help solving a case, or fighting a demon, angel, or other.  
It was because of this that Castiel again, left heaven.  
Although the call to him was not made of conscious intention, he was still drawn to the location of the caller.  
Cas soon found himself appearing in the worn passenger seat of a 1967 Chevy Impala he knew only too well.  
“Hello, Dean.”

-dean-  
Dean jumped slightly, tense, before registering that it was Cas. “Jeez, man. Scared the crap outta me.” he grumbled, turning his attention back to the road. “What’re you doing here?”  
Despite his gruffness, Dean couldn’t say he didn’t appreciate the Angel’s sudden appearance.

-cas-  
Cas had been warned many times not to sneak up on dean, and so he expected to be told off for his abrupt appearance, but he was surprised by dean’s response.  
Castiel’s eyes lingered on dean for a moment before turning to face the rain covered windshield separating them from the road.  
“I apologize for startling you, Dean. That was not my intention.”   
He said softly before letting his eyes fix on the raindrops racing down the window of the impala.  
It wasn’t raining very hard, but Cas could tell that the storm would soon become heavier, and the water would take with it, some of the autumn colored leaves off the trees.  
He turned to dean once more. “I came because you called me, dean.”

-dean-  
“The Hell you talking about?” Dean said, his eyes flickering back and forth from the road to Cas. “I didn’t call you, man.” he turned the car around a bend, the rain making the road slicker than normal.

-cas-  
Cas sighed.  
“Dean, we share a profound bond. You don’t need to explicitly call or pray to me, for me to be able to hear you.  
I am not oblivious to things outside of my verbal communications.  
I am an angel of the lord, I am not limited to the small range of human communication forms most often used.”  
Cas realized that he was starting to ramble and he caught himself before he was able to say much more.   
“My abilities reach far beyond explicit verbosity, is what I mean.”  
Cas looked away to face the window once more, embarrassed.  
He hadn’t realized that dean didn’t call him intentionally. In hindsight, it made sense though.

-dean-  
Dean paused “Dude, what have I said about this? don’t look into my friggin head!” he sighed, looking mildly disgruntled. Internally though, he was wondering if Cas could tell /why/ he was upset, or if he just could tell he /was/ upset. He hoped it was just the latter. 

-cas-  
“I- I’m sorry, Dean.   
It was not my intention.. I know how you feel about me doing that, and I have done my best to stop- but sometimes I am called not because I am ‘spying on you’, but because I can sense that you are In need of assistance. I hope that makes sense.”  
Cas looked down at his feet before raising his eyes to the rain streaked window again, in which he could see a reflection of the hunter beside him.  
Cas suddenly noticed how cold it was inside the impala, and he readjusted in an attempt to see if dean had put the ac on. He hadn’t, but that didn’t really change matters.  
Cas then remembered how he had in fact become more sensitive to this kind of thing when he became human, and when he reverted back, some of the sensitivity stayed and no longer just effected his vessel.   
Cas shivered slightly before looking up at deans reflection in the window again.

-dean-  
Dean glanced at him. “It’s fine, Cas. Just bothers me a bit, is all. I know you mean well.” As he talked he turned the heater up, the impala warming to a more comfortable temperature.

-cas-  
Cas sighed lightly and looked over at the drivers seat.  
Dean was fiddling with the some of the car’s temperature dials to make it warmer, but besides for that, his eyes didn’t leave the road ahead of him. 

Cas studied deans solemn face. His stormy green eyes were transfixed ahead, his brows slightly furrowed in a constant state of worry..  
A pang of wanting welled up in Cas’s chest.  
He wanted to make it all better so that the worry would leave dean’s face, he wanted to see dean smile again, he wanted to stop being a burden to the Winchesters, he wanted dean to know he was loved... loved by him, and wanting dean to love him too...  
But thoughts like that were selfish and whimsical, and unrealistic.  
Cas looked down again, ashamed of himself for having even thought about it.  
Dean deserved so much better than to get stuck with him.   
He was a failure.  
He had fallen so far from grace, he had even lost it at once point.  
Cas broke the silence rising between them.  
“Dean, do you- do you know why I might have been summoned to you? Are you okay?”

-dean-  
“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine Cas. I dunno why you were called here.” Dean said, tone seemingly light and nonchalant. He put his hands back on the steering wheel, satisfied with the temperature. Dean’s eyes flickered across the road, a sense of restlessness and worry seeming to cling to him despite his best attempts to hide it. He didn’t want Cas to worry about him, hell, he didn’t want anyone to worry about him. They all had enough on their plates without dealing with his lame-ass shit too.

-cas-  
“Dean...”  
Cas felt guilt rise up inside of him for not noticing sooner that something was wrong.  
“Dean, what’s going on?   
Don’t tell me that everything is fine. I don’t need to ‘look into your head’ to see that you’re lying about this.”  
Cas glanced up at dean again, this time his eyes stayed fixed on him, instead of wavering back towards the road, or the dark stormy night sky above it.

-dean-  
Dean stared at Cas, his emerald eyes fixated on the Angel’s sapphire ones. After a moment he shook his head, smiling slightly. “I- I’m ok Cas. Really. Not that big of a deal. Really.” He looked back at Cas, trying to seem reassuring. “Ok?”

-cas-  
“Dean..” said cas slowly, making sure to be careful with his words. “What’s going on? Really. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me. This is important.”  
Cas payed close attention to his tone, making sure he didn’t sound any one way. He didn’t want to make dean feel pressured, but he was also concerned and his worry was rising by the minute.

Dean would often isolate himself. He tended to suppress his feelings and thoughts in hopes that they would just go away.  
He felt that he could deal with it all, and that what he felt would only get in the way of more important things- this much cas could tell without invading Dean’s thoughts.. this much, cas could tell was harmful.  
Cas knew that Dean always put others first- but he has become more reluctant to take care of himself in the weeks passed.  
Cas held his gaze on dean before quickly glancing down to pull his trench coat sleeves down over his fingers.   
He traced the stitches on the hem of the sleeves, fidgeting with the tan fabric as the rain outside began to come down harder, raindrops trailing down the sleek windows of the impala.

-dean-  
Dean sighed. He looked at the road, watching the darkened scenery blur by, silent. After a few minutes he spoke. “It was just a dream, that’s all. Don’t worry.” He kept his eyes on the road though, not looking at Cas

-cas-  
Cas’s gaze did not falter off of dean while he spoke.  
Although nightmares were not a foreign concept to him, Knowing that it was just a dream did not ease his worry as he searched for something to say.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”   
Cas asked hesitantly waiting for a response.  
When none came, he added,   
“I can’t help but worry, dean. Even if it was just a nightmare.”

-Dean-  
Dean shook his head slightly. “Nah, I’m good. No use talking ‘bout stuff that doesn’t matter. Shook me a bit, but nothing that hasn’t happened before.” His tone remained casual enough, but there was something hinting at a tremor, like the dream had done more than shook him. Like it had left some sort of doubt, something eating away at him. “Seriously I’m fine” ever stubborn, he didn’t want to burden Cas with any more shit.

-Cas-  
Cas sighed, knowing again that dean was lying to him.  
Although dean was a good liar, he wasn’t good enough to hide the uncertainty in his voice as he answered cas’s previous question.  
“Dean, please tell me about what happened?  
What harm could it do to talk about it?”  
Cas noticed that dean seemed on edge, more so than usual as his fingers drummed in time to the rain on the worn leather of the steering wheel.  
The car took a small turn on the winding road ahead of them, and dean slowed the impala as to not cause a rather large puddle of water to splash up past the wheels of the car.  
Waiting for deans response, cas once amgain looked out the window, watching the moon’s light refract in the reflections of the raindrops that settled on the glass.

-dean-  
Dean watched the road, watching for other cars that may be driving at this insane time at night. “I’d rather not.” was all he said. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to worry, didn’t want to /think/. He simply... didn’t.

-cas-  
Cas looked up from the window and towards dean, upon hearing his words.  
“You don’t have to tell me, but I would like to know.”  
Cas said softly before returning his gaze to the road ahead.  
Dean didn’t like to talk about feelings, that much cas knew and had become accustomed to, but dean had seemed increasingly distant in the weeks past.  
At first Cas had attributed it to lack of cases, yet, it felt like more than that as Cas watched dean’s eyes scan ahead of them in the dark.  
“Dean...” Cas paused for a moment before continuing. “Are you okay?”

-dean-  
There was a tense silence in the car before Dean spoke. “Honestly? I-I don’t know, man.” he sighed, taking a hand off the steering wheel to run his fingers through his short hair. His voice was strained, trying to keep everything together.

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s voice break more than he heard it.   
“Dean- please talk to me.. what’s going on? I want to know, I want to try and help.”  
Cas felt his own voice shaking slightly as he spoke and he hoped it wasn’t noticeable, but he was worried.  
Cas has never truly felt this kind of worry until he met the Winchesters, dean specifically..  
The feeling of worry spread and he felt his chest tighten as he made eye contact with dean, holding his gaze in silence as the rain poured outside and the impala came to a slow stop on the side of the road, the gravel of crunching slightly under the tires.

-dean-  
“I-“ he hesitated “I don’t know why but... recently I’ve been having these dreams- no, nightmares” he corrected himself. He fidgeted, fingers tapping along the steering wheel. “Just... stuff that’s happened... guilt and...” the emotionally-constipated man trailed off, not really finishing his thought. His eyes flickered away from Cas, staring at his hands instead.

-cas-  
Cas felt more than heard dean’s voice break as he looked away from him, blankly starring at his fingers drumming on steering wheel in rhythm to the rain.  
His gaze followed the trail dean’s hands made as they slowed their tapping on the steering wheel.  
“Dean,”  
Cas paused before continuing, looking back to dean’s face and noticing that dean’s eyes refused to meet his own.  
“What’s going on, Dean?  
I don’t care if you think it sounds stupid. This is important, and you aren’t as ‘okay’ as you always claim to be...  
Please just be honest with me?”  
Cas’ voice was shaking, he knew it was, but at this point, he was so overcome with concern that he didn’t care.  
This was the man he had sacrificed everything for.  
The man that he had gripped tight and raised from perdition.  
The man that had taught him what true pain was, and then had taught him that it was possible to recover.  
The man that he- dare he say it, loved...

-dean-  
“I just...” his voice broke “everything’s so damn fucked up, Cas.” He closed his eyes, putting his head down on the steering wheel. “I- I’ve been having nightmares about everything that I’ve done wrong, everything I haven’t done, I don’t fucking know. I- it’s just- god...” his voice was low and strained. “It’s suffocating me, y’know? Like I can’t breath through all the shit piled on me”

-Cas-  
Cas didn’t know what to say..   
He really didn’t.  
There was so much he wanted to tell dean, so much he wanted him to know, but for some reason Cas couldn’t do anything but sit in silence and let it wash over him slowly, taking it in.  
Finally, he found his voice.  
“I know, Dean...  
Do you- do you want to talk about it?   
Sometimes when people talk about what is bothering them, it helps...  
I’m not saying what happened will go away, but I want to help...”  
He sighed.  
Again, lacking words, he decided it might be better not to speak.  
When he looked up at dean, however, he found couldn’t stop himself as his hand moved hesitantly from where it had been sitting on his knee to rest carefully next to dean’s that, since pulling over completely, had fallen at his side.  
A million thoughts filled his head, but when his fingers gently brushed dean’s, sending a nervous chill down castiel’s spine, the thoughts screaming inside his head, the angel radio, and the cacophony of of the world spinning around them, came to a sudden stop. Only one word resided in his head.   
A name.  
The name that had caused angel radio to fall silent more than once.  
The name that every monster, angel, and demon knew.  
The name that caused his head to fill with emotions he hadn’t thought he was capable of feeling until just a few years ago, and memories, until he felt that he would burst.  
Dean...

-dean-  
Dean looked over as Cas’s fingers brushed his. His eyes were full of unshed tears, rimmed with red that brought out his brilliant green irises. He opened his mouth a few times, searching for the words he wanted to say, a way to verbalize how he felt, his thoughts, but nothing came out. After a minute or so, he found his voice, small and weak as it was “I’m scared, Cas... “ he whispered “I- I’m scared...” he said this as if he were having an epiphany, as if he were just now really and truly coming to terms with it. Saying the words felt foreign on his tongue “Everything seems to  
fall apart around me... and I don’t want any more people to get hurt... I want to protect... Sammy...you... and I’m scared of what’ll happen if I can’t...” his voice caught, a tremor in it. His hands had begun to shake slightly as well, Dean’s forest-green eyes now raised to look into Cas’s cobalt ones

-cas-  
As their gaze met, cas again, was at a loss for words.  
He didn’t know how to respond now that dean’s stone façade had finally come crumbling down, now almost as broken as the look in dean’s eyes.  
Cas inhaled shakily, and let his hand fall over dean’s completely.  
“Dean... you have done so much-“  
Cas’ words seemed caught in his throat as he paused.  
“You shouldn’t blame yourself for what has happened.  
It’s not your fault...  
Things may fall apart around you sometimes, but it is not because of you..  
What is because of you though, is when they get put back together.   
Without you, things would stay broken.. I- would have stayed broken without you...”  
Cas felt emotion rise up into his chest, and he shut his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts...  
Although his mind swam with emotions and things left to say, he didn’t know how to say them.. So instead of speaking, he gently tightened his grasp on dean’s hand, as if dean were about to slip away from him.

-dean-  
Dean looked down at Cas’s hand clenched around his own. He stared for a moment, before raising his gaze to look at the Angel. He swallowed thickly, (wait until later for that, Deano)  
“Cas-“ he began before his voice broke and he trailed off. His verdant eyes held hundreds of doubts and worries, and they searched the azure pair that were Cas’s, searching for answers, almost yearning for them...

-cas-  
Cas hesitated, and he felt panic rise in his chest, worrying he had overstepped his boundaries as dean’s gaze fell to their hands, which now lay entwined between them.  
Cas’ breath hitched slightly as he felt dean’s hand wrap around his own and press them even tighter together.  
He looked back up towards Dean, and was met with a pair of sorrowful, questioning, beautiful green eyes that had seen more pain than almost any other castiel had encountered.  
Those eyes seemed to be raiding castiel’s gaze for affirmation, for an answer..  
Although many answers were present, the question was uncertain.  
Cas felt Dean’s hand shift slightly in his own as dean moved closer, readjusting in his seat, so that he was facing Cas more directly.  
Dean’s hand was warm against his own, and although calloused and firm, there was a certain softness to it that despite his anguish and desperation, Cas found almost comforting.  
“Yes, Dean?”

-dean-  
Dean opened his mouth, then closed it, not sure of what to say. He repeated this gesture a few times before finally speaking, expressing all his doubts “But what if” his voice choked up “what if it /is/ my fault Cas? Because I’m not good enough. Because I failed so many times. And even if I manage to duck-tape everything together, it’s still my fault it’s broken, y’know?” Dean’s voice was low, broken sounding. He looked away and focused on his lap, body tense with emotions. Guilt and self loathing could be read on him like a book.

-cas-  
“Dean.. It’s not your fault.”  
Cas watched him as dean’s gaze shifted, avoiding his eye contact.  
“Dean... You did not cause this.   
You shouldn’t be blaming yourself for everything that happens. If anything, it’s my fault...   
I let you, and Sam, and everybody else get hurt-“  
Cas’ voice trembled and he paused to collect himself.

This kind of mortality was not a new experience for Cas.   
He had changed since meeting the Winchesters, and especially after he had become human, he had become more prone to this kind of emotion.  
Guilt welled up inside him like a bubble waiting to burst, and he forced himself to look away.

He was an abomination.  
He wasn’t good enough for his own father, for his celestial brethren, and if he wasn’t good enough for them- he definitely didn’t deserve the kind of attention and vulnerability dean provided him with.  
Cas inhaled sharply, and his grasp on dean loosened and he began to pull away.  
“I’m sorry, dean... I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. It is not your fault at hand, more often than not, it has been my own.”  
Cas’ vision blurred at the edges, and he pushed back tears that fought to make themselves present.  
He was weak.   
He was selfish.  
He was more trouble than he was worth.  
Overcome with guilt and anguish, he considered the urge to leave, as to not burden dean any longer- but he was unsure of what consequences may occur if he did so.  
He didn’t want dean to be alone.   
He would loathe himself for all of eternity if anything happened to dean that could have been prevented.  
“Dean... I’m sorry.”  
Cas raised his eyes from the droplets of water settling on the window of the impala to look back at him.  
He felt dean’s hand tighten momentarily around his own, and he closed his eyes.  
He just wanted to be able to make everything right again. He wanted dean to know that he loved him, and that without dean, the world would be empty, and not only would earth feel broken and incomplete, Cas would as well.  
He wanted dean to be happy, and as his breath hitched slightly, he knew deep down that he could never accomplish that.   
He pulled his hand away from dean’s, and he looked down again, fixating his gaze ahead of him, listening to the drum of the rain beat down on the hood of the impala.

-dean-  
Dean stared at Cas, seeing the pain in his face. He knew that look, the expression of self hate and sadness, as he knew the feeling well. “Cas...” he licked his lips slightly, mouth suddenly dry “Cas, don’t apologize. Don’t do that. There’s nothing you should apologize for, man. Hell, you’ve saved my hide more times than I can count. Sammy’s too.” He placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder, trying to get him to look at him “Hey, look at me. Don’t beat yourself up. You have to deal with a lot of shit, don’t load more on yourself.” His eyes were intense, trying to convey even more than his words. He was concerned for Castiel, and he felt the angel didn’t deserve the pain and remorse he was feeling. 

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s warm hand come to rest on his shoulder, and without realizing it, he leaned in gently to dean’s touch, his heart rate increase slightly.  
He felt dean’s eyes on him, and he raised his eyes slowly to meet dean’s sullen gaze before speaking.  
“Dean, I have been a burden to you and your brother for so long...  
One of the only things I have done of productivity and worth was when I raised you from perdition, and even then, I wasn’t able to protect you or sam..”  
Cas paused shortly, his gaze hardening slightly with certainty.   
“Dean... I saved you for a reason. Despite what you think, dean, You are worthy...”  
He wanted to say so much more, but he refrained and instead leaned further into dean’s touch.

-dean-  
“Cas, I don’t know about any of this ‘worthy’ crap” Dean said “but I do know one thing. You aren’t a burden. And I never want you to think you are, ok? ‘Cause if you were, you’d better bet your ass we’d tell you.” His tone softened slightly, eyes flickering over Cas’s face and expression. “Cas...man, you’ve done so many things. And I don’t just mean saving my sorry ass. I mean everything. You’ve done so much, and you should be proud of that” 

-cas-  
Cas sat in silence for a moment, searching for what to say.  
“Dean, I-“  
He faltered briefly.  
“I appreciate you saying that.   
I just want you to understand that you matter..  
You deserve so much better than all of this.  
I wish I could make things easier.”  
Cas exhaled sharply, and felt dean’s thumb tracing small circles onto his shoulder, absentmindedly fidgeting with the end of the collar on his trench coat and running the worn fabric in between his fingers, before letting his hand fall to rest again on his shoulder.

-dean-  
Dean watched as Cas pulled away, his body language seeming hurt. He cursed internally, because even the usually blunt hunter could tell he had said something wrong and had scared the angel off. “Hey, Cas...? You ok?” he said tentatively. His voice had a hint of concern. He went to put his hand back on Castiel’s arm before stopping, not sure if he should. 

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s hand hover hesitantly over his shoulder and Cas turned to face him, and dean’s hand came to rest a few inches above the lapel of his worn trench-coat.  
Cas was unsure how to respond to dean’s question.  
He was not entirely sure himself what he felt, and he hoped that this didn’t show on his face as he answered.  
“I believe so, yes.”  
He sighed deeply.  
He felt guilty that dean was worried about him. He knew he didn’t deserve dean’s sympathy or attention.  
After a moment of quiet, cas spoke once more.  
“Dean, are you alright?   
Really alright?”

-dean-  
Dean was quiet, not wanting to lie to Cas He tried to play the hand-on-the-chest card, by pretending to swat at an imaginary piece of dust settled on cas’ lapel, then looking away and somewhat awkwardly pulling his hand down and setting it on his knee.

-cas-  
Cas tried not to notice as dean retracted his hand from his shoulder, and instead looked down again as dean brushed at his chest.  
Cas felt a wave of worry wash over him though when dean didn’t answer.  
He turned towards him now, trying to read his face for some kind of response, but dean’s eyes were directed away from him.  
“Dean?”  
Cas felt his voice fill with concern.  
He knew that Dean often tended to bottle up his feelings and suppress his thoughts, but just avoiding a direct question was new, even for him. Typically, the hunter would have given some sort of excuse as to not get into it.  
“Dean.. are you okay?”  
Cas asked in a soft tone, waiting again for dean to respond.

-dean-  
Dean didn’t look back. After a few minutes of silence he looked back up. “Being honest...? Not really, no.” He swallowed a lump down. “It’s almost 4 in the morning and I’m having an emotional breakdown in front of someone. Not just someone, but y-“ he cuts himself off after realizing what he was saying with a cough.

-cas-  
“Dean... It’s okay.”  
Cas said.  
“I am always here if you need to talk. It’s not good for you to keep things to yourself all the time.  
It’s okay to not be fine all the time...”  
Cas wasn’t sure if he had said too much, but dean raised his head and their eyes met.  
As Deans head raised, cas saw the tension in his face, and in his sad eyes.  
Cas wanted to see dean smile again.   
He wanted dean to be happy.  
He wanted dean to know that he deserved to be loved and- well, that he /was/ loved...  
“Dean..”  
Cas paused, making sure dean was listening to him.   
“I’m here for you.”  
Was the only thing he could say...

-dean-  
“I know you are” Dean said quietly. Dean stared at Cas, their eyes boring into each other, as if searching the depths of each other’s soul. They did the infamoose cut-it-with-a-freaking-knife staring, neither speaking for a while. They slowly drew closer and closer together, almost subconsciously, until they were mere inches apart. Dean realized how close they were, but actually couldn’t find it in himself to care. When they were a breath apart, Dean blinked, breaking eye contact. He searched Cas’s face, looking for approval or disgust. He was honestly scared out of his wits of what would come of admitting his feelings towards Castiel.   
Summoning all his courage, Dean whispered “Cas... can I kiss you?”

-cas-  
Their gazes locked, almost as if searching for something beneath the surface.  
Cas‘ breath hitched as dean leaned forward, their noses were just inches apart.  
He could feel dean’s breath on his skin, sending a chill down his spine.  
His head swam with confusion, but in this moment- he tried to let himself forget.  
“Cas...” he heard, “Can I kiss you?”  
Cas was taken aback at the question...  
Was this some sort of cruel joke?  
Had dean found out somehow about the angel’s feelings toward him and this was just his way of getting revenge for all the secrets kept?  
Would dean do something like that?  
“Dean.. I-“  
Cas paused, trying to read dean’s face for a hint at his true intent, not sure what to expect.

-dean-  
Dean looked at Cas’s face, and he saw the hesitance that lie there. Thinking he had done something wrong, crossed a border he shouldn’t have crossed, he sucked in a breath and pulled back, already beginning to stutter out apologies for asking that, mentally cursing himself. Of course Cas wouldn’t want that! He doesn’t think of Dean that way. When he said “I’m here for you” he meant it in the innocently platonic way he has, nothing more than that! Goddammit. 

-cas-  
Cas watched as Dean drew back, apologizing out of self loathing and embarrassment. Dean wouldn’t even meet his eyes.  
“Dean...”  
Cas stuttered, his voice becoming shaky once again.  
Dean seemed genuinely upset with himself, and Cas felt a sinking feeling in his chest.  
If dean really had been asking-  
Dean drew back, still apologizing, his hands trembling slightly.  
Dean was hurt because of him, and- oh chuck, he was stupid. He hadnt meant to push dean away, but he had, and now he was going to suffer the consequences of what he had done.  
Cas took a shaky breath before he leaned closer to dean hesitantly, placing his hand on his shoulder.  
When dean didn’t shudder or recoil at his touch, he spoke.  
“Dean.. I- I’m sorry.   
I didn’t mean to-“  
Cas felt his vision become blurred again and he paused briefly to compose himself.  
What had he done?  
“Dean, I don’t deserve you...”  
Was all he could say.  
He felt as though a weight had been dropped on top of him.  
He didn’t know how to tell dean that what he wanted more than anything was to kiss him, to stay with him...  
But these were all just selfish fantasies.  
Dean deserved far more than castiel could ever provide him with.  
Cas was an abomination, he had been outcasted from heaven, he had done so many things that looking back upon, he was ashamed of...  
He just made things more complicated.  
He ended up hurting those he was closest to- and, that couldn’t happen to dean...  
Not again...

-dean-  
Dean looked up at Cas, but not quite looking him in the eyes. His gaze was more focused on a spot slightly to the right of Cas’s face, as if he were afraid to look Cas in the eyes. His eyes were yet again, rimmed in red, emotions and thoughts swirling in their depths. “Sorry, Cas, I- I didn’t- I mean- I fucked up. I’m so sorry” there was a hint of panic in his voice, but mostly resignation, as if he had already made his bed and lain in it, accepting that Cas would hate him, be disgusted, and generally ruined whatever positive relationship they had previously had forever.

-cas-  
Cas heard the worry in dean’s voice when he spoke.  
The weight Cas felt on his chest seemed to get even heavier.  
“Dean... Don’t be sorry. Please don’t be.”  
Cas wasn’t sure what to say.  
He wanted dean to know how he felt, but what if he messed everything up?   
Dean had probably just been acting on impulse and adrenaline. He most likely hadn’t been thinking clearly when he had asked Cas if he could kiss him...  
He couldn’t take the risk...  
Cas sighed, attempting to make his breathing even.  
“Dean...” he started, trying his best to not let himself sound upset or disappointed.  
He slowly took his hand away from dean’s shoulder.  
“Dean... It’s okay.  
I understand. You are not attracted to-“ he trailed off, looking away, his voice getting quieter until all that could be heard was the sound of their breathing, and the rain that was now falling more heavily than before, fitting the mood of the conversation almost perfectly.

-dean-  
Dean put his head in his hands, halfway wondering if he had died of emotional pain yet and if it was possible. He barked out a laugh, harsh and humorless. “Yeah, it’s totally ok.” Dean said, voice almost frustrated. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, get his thoughts in order. Finally he spoke, “The thing is... I’m straight. Like, totally straight. But then there’s you, and- and I know it’s wrong but I- I just-“ he sighed, fingers digging into his scalp slightly, trying to figure out what to say, how to say it. “...but you looked so freaked out when I asked and I know I crossed a line I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry Cas...god...I just... fuck everything up, I guess...” his voice was thick with emotion, and we was obviously pissed at himself.

-cas-  
Cas sat in confused silence for a moment in an attempt to process what he had just heard.  
Could it be possible he was still mis-reading the situation?  
He probably was..  
Dean had most likely pieced together cas’ feelings for him, and he felt that it was wrong...  
When dean had said  
‘I’m straight. Like, totally straight. But then there’s you, and- and I know it’s wrong but I- I just...’  
He had really meant that he was off limits, but he didn’t want to hurt Cas by flat out telling him that his feelings were not reciprocated.  
When dean had said the part about it being wrong, cas’ first thought was that dean might believe that being gay... is wrong...  
Right?  
But- that didn’t make sense considering that dean was fully supportive of Charlie...  
Did it?  
Chuck, he couldn’t think straight.  
(Pun unintended)  
Cas’ mind whirled in confusion as he spoke again.  
“Dean.. what are you trying to say?  
I’m not sure I am understanding properly what you mean..”  
Not knowing how else to react to dean’s obvious distress, he relied on his previous knowledge to guide him.  
In the past, physical contact always seemed to calm dean- and while Cas knew that there was a chance that it would only make things worse, he decided that it was worth a try, and he placed his hand gently back on dean’s hunched shoulder, feeling the hunter tense slightly under his touch.

-dean-  
Dean tensed slightly under Cas’s hand, not expecting the touch, but forced himself to relax. In response to the question, he said “‘what am I trying to say’? It means I like you, ok Cas?” He suddenly exploded, just wanting to get the words out and not have them fester inside “I like you, a hell of a lot, but I know you don’t swing that way. Hell, I don’t know if you even /think/ that way, ‘cause you still don’t get what I’m saying. And besides, you’re an angel, for Christ’s sake, and it’s taboo and shit to be in a relationship with humans, right? So it’s dumb I’m even thinking about it.” Now that Dean had started saying his thoughts, it was as if a dam had broken and he couldn’t stop. He refused to look up at Castiel, though, closing his eyes and letting his pain and doubts and self-frustration wash over him. Frustration was thick in his voice, frustration at himself for being dumb enough to fall for an angel, especially one like Cas, even more so for telling said angel about his feelings and not just trying to forget about them like he does with all his other guilts and fears.

-cas-  
Cas watched as dean’s face slowly change from exasperated to frustrated as he spoke.  
When he had finished talking, his face betrayed him again, showing disappointment and dean’s signature self loathing.

Cas sat in shock, the hand resting on dean’s shoulder frozen in its place.  
Dean had sounded genuine with his words, but it all felt like a dream.  
After what felt like hours, cas remembered how to speak.  
“Dean- I...”  
He paused, wracking his mind for what best to say..  
“Dean...”  
He said slowly, experimentally, waiting for a reaction.  
When dean’s eyes met his, he continued nervously, his voice shaking.  
“Can I- can I kiss you..?”

-dean-  
Dean’s eyes widened slightly, lips slightly parted in surprise. “W-what?” he said, quite articulately. Dean was positive he had heard Cas incorrectly and hesitated slightly, but when he looked into those beautiful cobalt-blue eyes and saw the seriousness there, he understood. Dean blinked once, steeling himself, then said “dunno. Can you?” teasingly as he tends to do, before pressing a kiss to Cas’s lips. The kiss was timid and gentle, almost as if Dean was scared

-cas-  
Dean gazed into his eyes, and Cas watched nervously as realization dawned on him.  
Cas’ heart beat quickened in anticipation of his answer..

Had he just messed everything up even more than it already was?  
Probably.  
He ruined everything anyway...

Dean spoke, breaking the loud silence that had fallen inside the impala.  
At first, cas was confused as to what dean meant..  
Cas assumed he /could/ kiss dean, although never attempted before.  
Colloquial irregularities occur frequently in any language..  
If dean had understood cas’ intentions, being particular about the distinctions between ‘can’ and ‘may’ was pedantic, but jokingly so.  
However, if dean hadn’t come to the realization Cas assumed he had, the consequences wouldn’t be forgiving...

Cas was about to open his mouth as to clarify what he meant-  
But then dean’s lips were on his, and Cas froze, shocked.  
He felt dean hesitate for a moment before pulling away, checks flushed a light shade of pink that Cas had never seen on the hunter.  
He was sure he probably looked to be in the same state.

Cas shifted in his seat and leaned forward, experimentally towards dean, before Cas pressed his lips to dean’s firm ones. Their lips locked softly together once more, and while the kiss was slow and gentle, it was also filled with emotion.  
Emotion that couldn’t be expressed with just words...

-dean-  
Dean slowly brought his hand up and gingerly cupped Castiel’s face, almost reverently. Their lips worked in synch, softly kissing and moving against each other gently. After a moment, Dean pulled back a few centimeters for air, their noses still touching, chuckling softly “Damn..” he breathed opening green eyes he hadn’t realized were closed. His eyes held a spark of happiness, a light that hadn’t been there in not even Chuck know how long. 

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s warm hand on his cheek brush along his jaw and settle, cupping the side of his face gently as they kissed.  
It was unlike anything Cas had ever experienced before.  
While he had been kissed before, it was never with this kind of affection or emotion.  
Cas felt himself blushing as dean pulled away for air, their foreheads pressed together, noses touching ever so slightly. Cas opened his eyes and he heard dean laugh and swear lightly under his breath.  
Cas couldn’t help but chuckle with him, as he felt dean’s hand slowly travel from the side of his face, to the back of his head, where he felt dean’s fingers run gently through his hair.  
It was a new sensation to him, this kind of... intimacy.  
All the worries and hurting from before seemed to disappear from the angel’s mind, as his hand trailed from dean’s shoulder, settling at the back of the hunter’s neck as to get closer to him.

-dean-  
Dean leaned in, pulling Cas’s head forward and kissing him once again, slightly harder this time. His fingers carded through Cas’s hair, tangling in the short strands. His lips moved flawlessly against Castiel’s, and he shifted in his seat to face him more, pulling Cas closer yet. Dean could swear he was flying from how elated he felt, finally, /finally/ kissing Cas, letting him know exactly how much he loved him.

-cas-  
As dean pulled gently at his hair, running his hand from the nape of his neck to the place behind his ear, he felt the tips of dean’s fingers slipping momentarily beneath the collars of his coat and crisp white shirt, tugging on them gently so that he had better access to cas’ neck where he trailed a line of small kisses from Cas’ mouth down to a now partially exposed collarbone, where he sucked gently before grazing the spot with his teeth.  
Cas let out a small gasp and tightened his grasp on dean, hearing him chuckle softly before once again, locking lips with him.  
Dean’s lips were firm, but much softer than Cas had expected initially. That softness however, was balanced out by the rough stubble on dean’s face that raked across his skin slowly, sending a chill down cas’ spine.  
When cas parted his lips slightly to catch his breath, Dean used the opportunity to deepen the kiss, pulling him closer.  
Cas let a shaky hand wander down to rest again on dean’s shoulder, in the same place, he realized, he had gripped dean tightly and raised him from perdition all those years ago.

-dean-  
Dean kissed Cas passionately, hands wandering across his body, touching any part of Cas he could reach. He deepened the kiss, tasting the inside of Cas’s mouth, savoring the little noises he made. Dean pulled away slightly to breathe then went right back to work, kissing down the Angel’s jaw, nipping at his earlobe, marking his neck. He moved a warm hand up under the hem of Castiel’s shirt, resting it on his hip as he nipped at the soft flesh.  
Dean’s breath was hot against Cas’s neck and he was starting to get hard. “Backseat.” he murmured against the warm skin, kissing the hollow just below Castiel’s ear.

-cas-  
Dean’s words and gentle touches filled his senses, until they were all that he knew.  
Dean’s hands pressed under his shirt again, and even though they were warm, cas shuddered at the touch before melting into it slowly, letting dean’s fingers splay across his skin.  
Cas heard dean speak, but lost in his touch, it took him a moment to register what he had said.  
‘Backseat.’  
Cas paused for a moment, needing to breathe.  
Once he caught his breath, he snapped his fingers, and in an instant, they were sitting on the fine leather seats in the back of the impala.  
Cas didn’t fully understand why they had made the transition instead of staying where they had been, so when their eyes met, he fixed dean with a questioning gaze.

-dean-  
Dean saw the questioning look and gently kissed Cas again, reassuringly, running his fingers through Cas’s hair and cupping his cheek. “Lay down for me, Cas.” He said, voice low.

-cas-  
Cas felt safe in dean’s gaze.   
It was one of the only places that he ever felt at peace, appreciated, and truly seen as himself...  
Dean kissed him slowly, and Cas’ eyes fluttered shut.  
Although it was meant to be a short kiss, cas clung to dean, deepening it.  
After a moment, he heard dean speak softly.  
‘Lay down for me, Cas.’  
He said.  
Cas leaned up to kiss dean once more before doing as he said.  
As their lips met again, cas felt dean pressing into him gently, lowering him onto the smooth, cool, leather seats beneath him.

-dean-  
Dean propped himself on one arm, hovering over Cas, the other hand on Cas’s cheek lovingly. He kissed like it was breathing, as if his life depended on worshipping the Angel’s perfect lips. He trailed kisses down to Castiel’s collarbone, nipping and leaving little love bites here and there. He undid the first few buttons of the now-rumpled white shirt, kissing an lapping at the skin underneath.

-cas-  
Cas moaned involuntary as dean touched and kissed him gently, lovingly, more intimately than he had thought possible before this moment.  
Embarrassed, cas slowed his breathing in attempt to remain quiet.  
He felt dean’s fingers trail under his shirt, unbuttoning it as he went and Cas re-adjusted slightly as to help dean remove the trench-coat.  
As dean slid the coat slowly off of his arms, cas leaned forward, lips ghosting his skin before pressing a small kiss onto dean’s forehead.

-dean-  
Dean smiled at the kiss, pressing a kiss on the tip of Cas’s nose in return, chuckling softly. He finished unbuttoning Castiel’s shirt, pulling it off of his shoulders and letting it bunch around his elbows. Dean leaned back and took in the sight of Cas, shirtless, laying below him, looking rumpled and breathless and absolutely beautiful. He moved one hand to trace over Cas’s side, feeling the muscles jump and twitch involuntarily under the feather-light touch.

-cas-  
As Cas watched dean lean back, observing him, he suddenly felt very self-consciousness.   
He felt embarrassment now, not only about his accidental moan from before- but about   
How dean was seeing him.  
We was not worthy of dean.  
Cas knew he didn’t deserve deans attention or affection.  
He had done terrible things.  
Things that he will never forgive himself for.  
Things that made what Naomi and many of the others said about him to be true.  
Cas was an abomination.  
He just broke everything he touched. Damned it.  
“Dean.. You deserve far better.”  
Cas said shakily, pausing for a moment.  
“You shouldn’t be wasting your time on me...  
I- I don’t want to hurt you, dean.”  
Cas moved to sit up.

-dean-  
Dean’s eyes narrowed and he gently pushed Cas back down, leaning over and kissing him. “You won’t hurt me, Cas. I know you won’t. And if anyone deserves better, it’s you.” He placed soft pecks to Cas’s lips in between sentences. He used one hand to trace the outlines of Cas’s ribs, the other rested on Cas’s cheek, thumb gently stroking along the cheekbone. His tone was soft, but intensity lay behind it. Dean hated hearing Castiel put himself down like that, and if anyone was to know how unhealthy those negative feelings were, it was him. “So just shut up...” another kiss “and let me love you, ‘kay?”

-cas-  
Cas fought away the tears that had started to blur his vision as dean spoke.  
He laughed as dean punctuated his words with chaste kisses, smiling up at him.  
Cas felt dean’s hand wander from his cheek to the back of his neck, running his fingers through cas’ hair, twisting and pulling at some of it gently making cas' breathing hitch slightly.  
Dean was practically straddling him at this point, and so Cas allowed himself to run his hands slowly over dean’s torso, before slipping his hands below the hem of his shirt, exploring what he could reach of dean’s smooth stomach and lower back with light touches as Cas stole another deep kiss from dean.

-dean-  
He kissed the tears in the corners of Castiel’s eyes away sweetly. Dean’s abdomen muscles jumped slightly at the touch before he leaned into it. He kissed Cas deeply, passionately, before leaning back somewhat and pulling his t-shirt up over his head and tossing it behind him.

-cas-  
Cas lay under dean, listening to the rain fall while he watched dean slowly pull his grey t-shirt up and over his head to reveal his smooth chest adorned with an anti-demonic possession tattoo he had gotten with Sammy years previous.

Dean’s shirt fell into the driver’s seat, but he payed it no mind.  
Instead, he leaned forward, running his fingers again through his angel’s permanent ‘sex hair’.  
Cas gasped audibly though as dean’s gentle kisses and love-bites at his lips and neck drifted lower, moving to Cas’ chest and stomach.  
Castiel’s breath hitched again as dean ran his hands along his sides and across his chest.  
Dean trailed more kisses back up his chest to suck and softly bite at a tender spot on Cas’ neck that made him moan louder than expected, also making him blush in embarrassment.

-dean-  
Dean’s dick admittedly twitched at the moan. He smirked into Cas’s skin, sucking harder at that spot. “Mm... eager aren’t you, Cas?” His breath was hot and thick, lips lightly brushing against the skin, sending shivers down Castiel’s spine. A hand reached down and traced along Cas’s stomach and lower abdomen, dipping ever so slightly into the waistband of his pants.

-cas-  
Cas tried to choke back another moan, causing it to sound more like a whimper.  
Dean’s hand that had been at the nape of cas’ neck went back to cupping the angel’s cheek, reminding him to breathe.  
As dean continued to suck on the sensitive part of cas' neck, he chuckled softly, and Cas felt the smile press against his skin.  
He knew that dean had left a mark there that probably wouldn’t be easy to explain or get rid of.  
Dean’s breath was hot on his skin, and Cas found it intoxicating.  
Refraining from throwing his head back even further towards the window, Cas moved his slightly trembling hands slowly up dean’s waist and then his chest so that one of his hands was again, in the position the imprint had been from when he had first saved dean.  
As he touched it, cas felt dean’s breath hitch, but he leaned into the touch just as Cas was about to pull away..

-dean-  
Dean leaned into Cas’s touch, almost asking for more. He kissed down Cas’s neck and chest, stopping to suck at one of his nipples, rolling and pinching the other with one hand, listening to the way Cas’s breathing changed.

-cas-  
Cas felt his heart hammering quickly in his chest as he pressed his hand onto dean’s arm firmly, but gently, not letting go.  
Cas gasped suddenly when he felt dean’s mouth close on his nipple, sucking at it and gently grazing it with his teeth before taking to the other with his hand, making Cas’ eyes flutter close again and his mouth opened with a silent groan before finding himself again.  
Cas moved his hand that wasn’t resting on dean’s arm, down to the hunter’s hips, rubbing small circles into the tops of his hip bones before tugging gently at one of the belt loops on dean’s pants, bringing him closer.

-dean-  
Dean’s eyelids fluttered slightly, before pulling away from Cas’s chest to grin up at him. “Ah Ah Ah. Not yet, Cas. I’m not done.” He went back to lavishing his chest and stomach with kisses and bites. He dipped his tongue into Cas’s bellybutton and peppered light kisses on his hips along the hem of his pants. A bulge was beginning to form in his jeans as he kissed every inch of Cas’s body he could reach.

-cas-  
Cas gripped tightly at dean, his hands balling up and splaying out as he tried but failed for the most part to hold in all of his whimpers that were drawn out of him slowly as dean made an effort to run his lips over every part of cas’ exposed body, leaving cas panting softly, half lidded eyes with nearly full blown pupils, and a noticeable blush that was spread across his face and some of his chest.  
Cas didn’t think that it would have had that kind of impact on him, but the way that dean moved agonizingly slowly, dragging his lips over cas’ body, occasionally stopping to suck and bite at a sensitive spot made him realize he was wrong.  
As dean was catching his breath, cas pulled dean towards him slowly, kissing him sweetly on the forehead again, and then dipping his head down to his chest as he took one of dean’s nipples into his mouth and tugged gently with his teeth, sucking on it savoringly earning a moan.  
As Cas took the opposite nipple in his mouth, he did the same as before, earning another long moan from dean, and he let his hands slide slowly over his bare chest, kissing him softly.

-dean-  
Dean moaned softly into the kiss. “Damn Cas...” he murmured, voice thick with lust. His now very obvious erection was pressed against Cas’s hip. He ran his fingers through Castiel’s hair, deepening the kiss, need and want evident in it.

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s desperation in the kiss.  
The way that dean’s tongue swiped across cas’ lip asking for entry made him gasp into the kiss, opening his mouth further and allowing it, only adding to his need.  
With dean straddling him at just the right angle now, cas shifted slightly and both of them moaned at the friction as their erections rubbed against the other.

-dean-  
Dean moaned into Cas’s mouth, pulling Cas closer to him and making the kiss impossibly deeper, grinding against Castiel again, searching for that friction. Damn, he felt like a teenager again, grinding his hips against Cas’s desperately. 

-cas-  
Cas choked out another moan at the friction, pulling on dean’s belt loops again, bringing him closer. Cas leaned up and kissed dean, their lips moving in sync until they needed to stop for air.   
When they did break apart, dean had begun trailing his fingers along cas’ sides, sending adrenaline throughout his body.  
Cas let his head fall back onto the now a bit clouded window closest to him as he felt dean’s fingers slide beneath his pants again like before. Cas moaned softly under his breath at the touch.

-dean-  
Dean savored the scene before him. Cas, lain out in the back of the car underneath him, moaning and panting. He licked his lips almost subconsciously and kissed down the Angel’s chest and stomach, still rubbing his hips against Cas’s.

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s eyes on him, and he let his eyes flutter open slightly as dean leaned in to leave a trail of soft and gentle, but lustful kisses down cas’ heaving chest, and his stomach.  
Cas looked up at dean, and their eyes met, both of them communicating with the gaze.  
Cas tangled his fingers in dean’s hair and let out a broken moan as he felt dean thrusting down on him again, grinding his hips gently against him with need.

-dean-  
Dean groaned when Cas tugged on his hair and ground against him. “Fuck, Cas” he panted out. He left open-mouthed kisses on Cas’s neck and collarbone, and went to work on unbuttoning Cas’s slacks. 

-cas-  
Cas whimpered slightly as dean swore and groaned his name.  
It was almost too much for him to process.  
It was so overwhelming- but he didn’t want it to stop. He never wanted this to end.  
He felt safe in dean’s arms, looked out for, respected... loved.  
As he felt dean’s hands sink lower on his body, his breath hitched and one of dean’s hands lingered on cas’ hip, the other fiddling with the button of his pants.  
He pulled at dean’s hair again, desperate.

-dean-  
Dean pulled Cas’s pants all the way off, discarding them with the other clothes strewn about, leaving him only in his boxers. Dean gently brushed his fingers against the tent in Castiel’s boxers, sucking on his neck and leaving a dark hickey. 

-cas-  
Castiel moaned at the contact of dean’s fingertips on his boxers and he felt dean leave another mark on his neck, almost as if he was claiming him. Cas wanted to be his.  
“Dean-“ castiel’s voice hitched and he ran a hand down dean’s back, pulling him in closer.

-dean-  
Dean chuckled, voice low and lust-filled. “Be patient, Cas” he left another mark on the soft skin of Cas’s neck and cupped him through his underwear, eliciting a moan from the Angel’s lips. His jeans were beginning to get uncomfortably tight.

-cas-  
Cas whimpered, trying to quiet himself.  
He wasn’t used to physical stimulation like this. This was all so new to him.  
He gasped as dean’s hand gently fondled his erection through his boxers and He squeezed his eyes shut, gripping dean’s shoulder firmly.

-dean-  
Dean kissed Cas passionately, swallowing the delicious noises he was making. He took one of Cas’s hands off of his shoulder and moved it down to the button of his pants. “Can you get these offa me Cas?” he panted into the warm skin of the Angel’s neck.

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s warm breath on his neck as his hands moved down to dean’s hips.  
Cas felt a rush of adrenaline flood his senses and he steadies his hands, slowly running along the V of the hunter’s hips before dipping his fingers down to unfasten his jeans.  
Through the denim, cas could feel dean’s erection, and he pressed into it gently as he undid the zipper.  
He heard a soft moan come from dean and he slid his other hand further into dean’s hair, his heart racing.

-dean-  
Dean moaned at the contact, then again at the hand tugging at his hair. He slipped out of the jeans, kicking them off almost impatiently. His mind was filled with lust and love, wanting no more than to take the man below him right then and there, to fuck him hard into the upholstery, hard enough to rock the car and stain the seats.

-cas-  
Cas heard dean moan lowly close to his ear now, and he felt another wave of desire hit him.  
Cas wasn’t even sure what had happened to his tie or their shoes and socks- but the car had become littered in their shed clothing.  
He felt dean move away for a moment trying to get his pants off hurriedly.   
Cas couldn’t help but chuckle quietly before leaning close and whispering in dean’s ear “who’s the impatient one now?” He asked dean, smirking slightly.

-dean-  
Dean chuckled, the joke not going over his head. “Can you blame me?” He practically growled the words, pressing sloppy kisses along Cas’s neck and chest, still feeling Castiel through his boxers.

-cas-  
Cas couldn’t stop himself as he let out a loud needy moan.  
He felt dean press against him, grinding their hips together lightly.  
The action caused Cas’ head to fall back to the leather of the seats again abruptly.  
“Dean-“  
He groaned, trying to keep his voice even as he slid his hands to dean’s lower back, grabbing at him desperately.

-dean-  
“Shh, I’ll take care of you baby,” he panted. Dean slipped Cas’s underwear off, kissing him as he did so. He did the same with his own boxers, then pressed their bare bodies together, groaning at the friction.

-cas-  
“Fuck- dean-“  
He said, whining.  
The swearing was out of character for him, but his mind blurred as dean touched him and slid their now unclothed erections together.  
Cas opened his eyes again, taking in the sight of dean straddling his thighs, sweat building on his smooth body and face, pressing them closer together.  
Chuck, dean was beautiful.  
He ran his hands lower down dean’s back to the curve of his ass, gently and hesitantly, grabbing at him again.

-dean-  
Dean moaned slightly at that, feeling Cas grab his ass and hearing the angel swear. He bit down lightly on the meat of Castiel’s shoulder before bringing three fingers to Cas’s mouth for him to suck.

-cas-  
Cas’ breath hitched as dean bit down on his shoulder.  
He felt dean’s hand creep up his neck, resting 3 fingers on his chin and lower lip.  
Cas wasn’t sure what dean was doing exactly, but he trusted him, so he kissed dean’s fingers lightly and ran his tongue along the soft pads of dean’s fingertips, grazing them gently with his teeth before taking them into his mouth, sucking gently and letting his tongue twirl around them.

-dean-  
Dean continued to kiss along Cas’s neck, wondering how it would feel to have that tongue on his dick instead of his fingers. Maybe that’s something to find out another time when they aren’t cramped in the backseat of a car. After a few minutes he pulled his fingers away, a line of saliva connecting his fingers to Cas’s kiss-bruised lips. He reached down and circled Cas’s hole with the spit-slicked fingers

-cas-  
Cas felt dean pull away from his neck where he had most likely left yet another hickey on him.  
Cas knew he could always use his grace to make the marks go away, but he wanted everybody to know that he was dean’s.  
Unless.. unless he was just another one of dean’s one night stands.  
But the thought was pushed away as he felt dean’s wet fingers trail low over the inside of his thighs and onto his ass.  
“Dean, what ar-“  
Cas tried to speak, but was cut off as dean’s lips pressed into his heatedly, kissing him lustfully once more.

-dean-  
Dean kissed Cas deeply, all tongue and lust. He pulled back slightly and whispered “This might feel a bit uncomfortable for a bit, but bear with me, ‘kay?” Before pushing a finger into Cas’s ass, moving it around a bit to get Castiel used to the feeling. While doing so, Dean pressed light kisses to his neck and jaw.

-cas-  
Cas nodded at dean’s words, brows furrowed as he felt dean slip his index finger slowly inside of him.  
Cas let out a small gasp when dean had slipped his first finger into him, but as dean gently pushed a second finger in, Cas had to bite back a small groan and he slipped his hands back into dean’s soft hair.  
The sensation of dean’s fingers inside him was new and not exactly the most comfortable feeling, but Cas trusted dean, so he tugged gently at the hair at the base of dean’s head, and he tried to keep from squirming as dean began to slowly thrust his fingers inside of him.

-dean-  
Dean groaned at the tug on his hair as he slowly moved his fingers, scissoring them slightly, spreading them and stretching Cas. Soon he added a third finger, kissing his way down Castiel’s chest and stomach. “You doing ok?” He asked softly

-cas-  
Cas moaned in response to dean as he felt the third finger slip inside of him.  
To say the least, cas had gotten used to the feeling of dean’s fingers inside of him, slowly stretching him open wider.  
Cas’ breath caught and he whimpered as dean began to press small kisses down his chest.  
He was practically trembling with need.

-dean-  
Dean took that as a yes. He felt Cas trembling and whimpering beneath him and smirked. “Are you loose enough, baby? Are you ready for me to fuck you so hard you see stars?” he whispered in Castiel’s ear, voice rough and low. He crooked his fingers, hitting his prostate just as he brushed the hand not being used against the angel’s dick, touch feather-light.

-Cas-  
Cas felt himself shudder slightly under dean’s touch, leaning into him, feeling dean’s words on his sensitive skin.  
“Dean- please”  
Was all cas was able to say between shaky uneven breaths.  
He felt that he was already at the point of seeing stars.  
He tried to push against dean for any kind of friction, grabbing harder at dean’s hair.

-dean-  
“Please what, Cas? You gotta tell me what you want” he responded, pulling his fingers away and leaving Cas empty. “What do you want, baby? Tell me exactly” Dean bit his collarbone and sucked at it, adding another hickey to the painting of purple and red blooming across the Angel’s skin, drawing a shaky, needy moan from Cas.

-cas-  
Cas gently tugged the hunter’s hair again, pulling dean closer to him.  
He could feel dean’s hot breath on his shoulder, and Cas moved his head slightly so that he could kiss and suck needfully at a sensitive spot on dean’s neck.   
Cas heard him moan softly, and he leaned forward, kissing higher on his neck, so that his lips were next to the hunter’s ear.  
His voice was shaky and quiet, barely a whisper, but the way that dean’s breath hitched when Cas spoke, made it clear that he had been heard nonetheless.  
“Fuck me, dean- please”

-dean-  
Dean’s breath caught in his throat when Cas whispered those words into his ear. He turned his head and captured the angel’s lips with his own. “As you wish” he breathed, before spreading Castiel’s legs and hooking them over his shoulders. “Tell me if it’s too much, ‘Kay?” He lovingly kissed Cas once more, before pushing in slowly, carefully as to not hurt Cas and let him adjust.

-Cas-  
Cas let dean kiss him softly before he bent down to slip the angel’s legs over his shoulders.  
Cas bit back a whimper as he felt the head of dean’s dick, wet with pre-cum and the excess saliva from dean’s fingers, slip into him slowly.  
He couldn’t help but groan quietly as dean pushed in further.  
Although the sensation of dean inside of him was new, Cas found himself adjusting quickly, wanting more.

-dean-  
Dean softly shushed the whimper and kissed his cheek, not wanting him to be upset. Soon Dean pushed all the way in and stilled, allowing Cas to adjust and groaning at the heat enveloping his dick. “Fuck, Cas” he panted “so tight. Feels so good.” He leaned down and kissed him, rolling his hips slightly.

-cas-  
Cas moaned loudly into the kiss as dean rolled his hips gently, grinding into him.  
He let one of his hands slip away from dean’s hair, coming to rest at his waist, where he gripped tightly as dean thrust into him again.  
Cas found himself whining softly, tears threatening his vision, as Dean hit his prostate.

-dean-  
Dean picked up the pace slightly, the moans and whines spurring him on. He hit Cas’s prostate each time, drinking in his sweet gasps and delicious moans. Dean reached between them and lightly grasped Cas, moving in time with the thrusts, touch just barely there, just a step away from being pleasurable.

-Cas-  
Cas felt his eyes roll back slightly in pleasure as dean’s fingers gently wrapped around his practically throbbing erection.  
His breaths were becoming more heavy and uneven as dean thrust back into him repeatedly.  
Cas knew that Dean was still going fairly slow, but now there was a soft rhythm going.  
He heard the hunter whimper a small moan from above him, and Cas let his hands roam across dean’s chest before wrapping his arms gently around dean’s neck.

-dean-  
Dean moaned slightly, trying to hold it back, and his breath hitched as he felt Cas’s hands across his chest. He leaned down when Castiel’s arms wrapped around his neck, pressing his lips to Cas’s. He loved this, loved Cas, loved kissing him, loved holding him, loved fucking him. No, fucking was too harsh of a word. He simply loved all that Castiel is, and the feeling of being with him.

-cas-  
Cas lost himself in dean’s touch, in his kiss.  
He trailed his hands into dean’s hair again, savoring the sounds the hunter was making.  
As they pulled apart, he felt dean tap his thighs gently, and Cas adjusted, moving his legs carefully from where they were slung over dean’s shoulders to around his waist, allowing dean to thrust in deeper.

-dean-  
Dean thrust into Cas, picking up the pace significantly and gripping his hips almost hard enough to bruise, losing himself in the feeling of being fully inside the angel. He kissed down Castiel’s jawline and chest and moaned slightly into the crook of his neck when he snapped his hips forward and felt Cas tug on his hair.

-Cas-  
Cas couldn’t help but whimper dean’s name as he felt the hunter’s fingers run along his shaft lightly.  
The rhythm of dean’s thrusts were even, but cas let out a low drawn out moan as the pace changed, becoming a bit faster.  
He melted into dean’s touch as he pressed small kisses down the Angel’s chest, sucking gently on the dip of his collar bone.  
“Dean-“  
Cas didn’t know what else to say, he wanted the hunter so badly.  
He was filled with need for him, but not just lust, this was more than that. It had been from the beginning.  
At least on his part, it was.

-dean-  
Dean could practically feel the need pouring off of Cas, could hear it in his moans, taste in in his kisses. “You feel good, Cas? You like that?” He asked, panting and thrusting hard into Castiel, nailing his prostate mercilessly, sweaty bodies sliding against each other seamlessly. He stroked Cas faster, whispering sweet nothings into his ear between kisses. Dean was getting close, but wanted to give the angel beneath him as much pleasure and love as possible.

-Cas-  
Cas felt the desperation in dean’s voice, the tremble of his words, the need in his moans and touch.  
Although an Angel, cas felt his stamina draining slowly due to the hunter above him.  
He would still be able to hold on for a bit, but he knew that dean, being human, must be getting close.  
He ran his hands through dean’s hair again, hearing his breathing getting heavier as he continued to kiss trails down cas’ stomach and chest.  
The angel moaned and whimpered quietly, trying to stay quiet, as dean picked up the pace of not only his thrusts, but also the movement of the hand that was wrapped around cas.

-dean-  
“Don’t hide those moans from me, Cas. I wanna hear you” Dean whispered lustfully in Cas’s ear, sucking on his already mottled skin. He snapped his hips forward hard, hands gripping tight to his hips, pounding at an almost inhuman speed as he neared the edge.

-cas-   
Cas’ hurried breath hitched at dean’s words, his touch.  
He heard the hunter moan again, and Cas, knowing how how close dean must be at this point, lifted his head upward to meet dean’s, kissing him softly, before he leaned in slightly, whispering in dean’s ear.  
“Cum for me, dean”  
Cas said, voice shaking.  
He moved his head back again, moaning quietly into another kiss.

-dean-  
Dean’s breath caught in his throat at that, hips stuttering slightly before he thrust once more, coming with Cas’s name on his kiss-bruised lips, his eyes closed in ecstasy.

-cas-  
Cas felt dean shudder against his body, and that was the breaking point for castiel.  
He felt himself give in, overwhelmed by pleasure, eyes rolling back slightly, gasping the hunter’s name as he too, came.  
He couldn’t help but clutch at dean desperately, his head falling back to the leather seat below them.

-dean-  
Dean marveled at the gorgeous, breathtaking sight, even as he held on to Cas as he came, panting encouraging murmurs in his ear while the angel called out his name. After Castiel was done, he carefully pulled out, groaning softly, and rolled them both on their sides, curling his arms around Cas’s waist as he peppered light kisses across his face, basking in the afterglow. “Wow...” he chuckled once he caught his breath “that was... amazing” Dean pressed a sweet kiss to one of Cas’s cheeks, gently cupping the other one in his hand.

-Cas-  
Cas winced slightly as dean pulled out slowly, leaving Cas feeling empty without the hunter inside of him, before he was turned on his side and pulled close to dean’s chest.  
He let the aftershock wash over him, leaving him pliant in dean’s arms.  
Cas couldn’t help but smile softly as the hunter placed a kiss on his cheek.  
The kiss and dean’s words were the last things he was able to register before he lost himself in the sight and the sound and the feel and the smell and the taste of dean, forgetting everything that's not the two of them and the way the moon shone on them through the backseat window of the Impala, making the sweat on their bodies sparkle.  
He was brought back to reality by the way dean’s arms wrapped firmly around him, turning him over so that they were facing eachother again.

-dean-  
Dean gently ran his fingers through Cas’s hair, combing it back and brushing the sweat-dampened strands away from his forehead, then kissing his forehead sweetly. He studied Cas’s blissful, at peace expression, his own emerald eyes half lidded in happy contentment, kiss-bruised lips curled up in a lazy smile. His chest was filled with emotions and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this at peace, this amazingly happy.

-Cas-  
Cas felt himself nuzzle into dean involuntarily, burrowing his head in the hunter’s chest, and kissing his shoulder gently.  
His hands rested on dean’s sides, fingers splayed.  
Their breathing slowed, falling into rhythm, synced almost.  
Cas found himself smiling, but it wasn’t as wide a smile as before.  
He pushed down the feelings that were clawing at his insides, telling him that he was just another one of dean’s one night stands.  
His hands clenched into small fists, but he held onto dean, unable to let go as the hunter kissed his forehead gently.

-dean-  
Dean looked at Cas as he felt his hands clench. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, using one hand to rub small reassuring circles against Cas’s back, wondering why the angel suddenly seemed uneasy. This reaction wasn’t what Dean had expected, but it should have been, right? He tried to ignore his thoughts, but they wouldn’t be silenced. ‘Cas regrets what happened. You screwed up again, Dean’ his mind helpfully supplied, along with other poisonous thoughts. He tried to quiet this thought, be in the moment, but the idea still whispered doubt and worry. Dean searched Castiel’s face, trying to find the cause of his worry, see if it really was what Dean thought it was or not.

-cas-  
Cas felt, more than heard the concern in dean’s voice as he spoke, the warm hands gently grazing his back slowed.  
He looked down, trying not to notice the cum that still stuck to their bodies and the impala, as he searched for his voice.  
“Dean- I.. I understand if you did this on impulse rather than reasoning-“ Cas paused, his speech sounding almost mechanical.  
He had practice keeping emotions out of his voice, and as it had in the past, this skill seemed to come in handy as he continued, heart feeling heavy in his chest.  
“I understand if you didn’t mean anything by this.. by what we did, dean...”  
Cas wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to sound crude by bringing up the countless number of other one night stands that the hunter has had.  
The string of lovers that were used as distractions..  
He felt his mouth go dry as he opened it, trying to speak again, but nothing came out.  
Probably for the better.  
He wasn’t sure it was worth getting into, and he pulled away from dean slightly, knowing what would most likely happen next now that dean didn’t have to try and put him down gently, or avoid talking about it with him.

-dean-  
Dean listened, heart sinking. “Cas, why-“ he swallowed, trying to speak past the lump of emotions in his throat. His eyes pricked slightly with tears when Cas pulled away. “Why are you saying this?” his voice was quiet, laced with hurt. His heart stung, the detached, empty tone of Castiel’s voice hurting as much as the words themselves. Dean couldn’t understand why Cas was saying that, why he would think he didn’t mean it. The voices of doubt got louder in his head, heart clenching with the fear that Cas was regretting it after all. 

-cas-  
Cas felt a tremor in dean’s voice as he spoke, and Cas almost instantly regretted what he had said.  
He just couldn’t be sure though.  
He was unworthy of the hunter, and surely dean knew this..  
Cas loved him, more than just platonically, now he truly saw this- but dean was so guarded and closed off to emotion, it made it difficult to tell what the hunter was feeling.  
“Dean, I just-“   
He sighed, trying to figure out what to say.  
“I realize you may not want this- what happened.. to affect our relationship.  
I understand that you often resort to intercourse as a way to distract yourself, or to entertain you. You don’t normally form relationships with those that you choose to... well... Be intimate with.  
I have heard you refer to them as ‘one night stands’, implying that you will most likely not see them again afterwards, or maintain connections with them.”  
Cas attempted to push the emotion that was trying to creep into his voice away as he continued.  
“I realize that I may be one of said ‘one night stands’ if you so choose, Dean...”  
Cas’ voice caught in his throat, and he blinked hard, pushing back tears that fought to make themselves known as he felt dean’s arm wrap tighter around him.

-dean-  
Dean honestly hadn’t even had the thought of this being a one night stand cross his mind, but as Cas said it his eyes widened slightly in realization and he could see why the angel was distressed. When Cas’s breath caught Dean pulled him closer, closing the gap made from Cas pulling away moments earlier. “Cas...” he gently thumbed a tear that was welling up off of the corner of Castiel’s eye before kissing his cheek and murmuring “No, Cas, I don’t want this to be a one night thing. ...not unless you want it to be, of course.” He added the last bit to the end after a pause because he wasn’t sure if Cas wanted it to be or not. God, he hoped Cas didn’t want this to be a one time fling.

-cas-  
Cas looked up at dean, their eyes meeting.  
He found himself being drawn closer to the hunter, still looking at him with concern.  
He felt a sudden relief bloom in his chest, as the hunter spoke, growing and spreading throughout him.  
He knew he had heard dean correctly, but hearing and understanding are two different things entirely.   
Cas hoped that his understanding of what dean had said was as good as his hearing though as he tucked his arm around dean, kissing him gently.  
“No, Dean.. I don’t think I do.”  
Cas said, hoping that the hunter would understand.

-dean-  
Dean smiled in relief and released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, then gently kissed back. He held Cas closer, cupping his cheeks, touch soft and loving. “I love you Cas. I love you so, so much.” he whispered between kisses, and he meant that with all he had, pressing his lips to Castiel’s once more to make sure he understood and there was no question whether or not he wanted to be with this beautiful angel.

-Cas-  
Cas felt his breath catch at the hunter’s words and He leaned forward, dean’s lips catching his in another kiss.  
When they broke apart, Cas chuckled softly at the blush creeping back up his face.   
“I love you too, dean.”  
He said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  
Nothing he had ever said seemed as true as those words.  
He loved dean. So much.  
He has shown his affection for the hunter more than once, but never more than platonically. This was new to him, yet with dean, it felt comfortable and Familiar.. it felt Right.

-dean-  
Dean practically beamed when Cas spoke, at seeing the beautiful smile on the angel’s lips. He held Castiel close, once again kissing him, bodies tangled together languidly on the leather seat, lips moving slowly, enjoying the comfort of holding Cas and being held. He had missed this feeling, seeing as most of his one-night stands rarely lasted long enough to involve cuddling. Soon, though, too soon in Dean’s opinion, the sky began to lighten, signaling that dawn was approaching. Dean pulled back slightly with a sigh, saying, “We should probably start driving back to the motel... Sam’ll be waking up soon...” Despite his words, though, it was obvious he didn’t really want to end this quite yet.

-Cas-  
Cas gazed up at the hunter as he spoke, tracing his fingers gently over the faint constellations of freckles that covered dean’s shoulders and face, his calloused fingers brushing against his skin softly.  
He chuckled quietly, smiling to himself, reminded of how frequently dean had been unnerved by cas’ invasion of personal space in the past.  
“Yes.. I suppose he will.”  
Said cas in monotone, making no effort to move away whatsoever.  
It was warm in dean’s arms, safe. He felt safe.  
He wasn’t yet ready to give that kind of comfort up.

-dean-  
Dean lightly traced abstract patterns along Cas’s back and shoulder blades, fingers running over the bumps on his spine. He exhaled slightly, cuddling closer. Dean really didn’t want to get up. It was warm and comfortable, and a sleepy, contented feeling was beginning to settle on him.

-cas-  
A shiver ran down cas’ spine as dean returned his touch, stroking along his back slowly.  
He felt the hunter yawn quietly into his hair and move closer to him.  
“Dean,”  
Said cas softly, being pulled from his thoughts almost suddenly.  
“Dean, are we going to tell Sam about.. this?”  
He asked quietly, waiting for dean to respond.   
He felt the hunter tense slightly, the fingers being used to run gently over cas’ shoulders faltering.  
Cas looked up at him, and seeing the tension on dean’s face slowly start to creep back, he moved upwards, pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead.

-dean-  
All tiredness left Dean when Cas asked that, and he faltered slightly. He hadn’t thought about what they would tell Sam. It’s ridiculous, he knew, but Dean wasn’t sure how Sam would react, and was somewhat scared of the prospect of letting other people know. “I... I don’t know...” he responded, hands continuing their movements after Cas gently kissed his head “Do, uh, do you want to...?”

-cas-  
Cas felt the hands on his back resume their previous motions, but he heard the nerves in deans voice when he spoke.  
“Dean..”  
Cas started,  
“We dont have to tell anybody if you dont want to. I understand..”  
he said softly finishing.  
He was being honest with his words. He realized that this kind of thing must be difficult for the hunter and if he needed time, then cas would give him all the time in the world.  
The voice in the back of his mind begged to differ with reason though. It began to tell him that dean was ashamed of his actions and that it was all just a mistake. He didnt mean what he had said.   
Cas pushed those thoughts away, blinking hard to try and clear his head.  
When it didnt work, he distracted himself by snapping the his fingers quietly, cleaning up the mess in the backseat that they had made.  
He pressed feather-light kisses in a trail down deans face, and his neck.  
Although the doubt tried to consume his mind, he trusted the hunter.  
He believed him, or at least- he desperately wanted to.  
He knew that dean wouldnt have let himself become so vulnerable if he didnt trust cas in the same measure.  
Cas wasnt used to this kind of intimacy, nor used to being this open with another being (literally or metaphorically).   
While it was new, it was something he felt that he could explore with dean.. Dean made him feel safe, and comfortable, and loved, and- so much more.

-dean-  
Dean closed his eyes slightly, enjoying the feeling of Cas’s lips gently brushing along his face. He sighed, thinking. “I don’t know...I’m kind of nervous about telling him...” hesitation was thick in his voice. “Is it... ok, if we don’t tell anyone yet...?” He knew he loved Cas, and that he’s not ashamed by any means of the word, but he just wasn’t ready to let anyone else know.

-cas-  
“Of course, Dean..”  
Cas said, tracing his hand back over the hunter’s shoulder where his handprint had once been.  
He understood that dean would need time to adjust to the knowledge that their bond was more than just platonic on both sides. He understood the fear of telling Sam or anybody else for that matter, what had happened between them.  
Cas knew the weight of their actions, and the consequences that came with them would be inevitable.  
He also understood however, that the hunter might not be ready to tell anyone for a long time.  
After coming to this last realization, he found himself leaning away from dean to grab at his trenchcoat, pulling it over them carefully.  
Deans head tilted slightly with confusion, making Cas chuckle under his breath.  
“Based off of you telling me that you don’t want Sam to find out about.. us, I assume that means you also would not be inclined to behavior such as public displays of affection.  
Because of this, I have decided that Sam can survive at the motel by himself for a period of time without supervision. He is very capable. We can stay here just a bit longer...”  
Cas spoke softly, but then quickly revising his previous statement. “Only if you want to, of course, dean..”  
He said, wondering if he had gone too far.

-dean-  
Dean snuggled under the jacket a bit more, pulling Cas closer to him under the warm fabric. “Yeah you’re right... and staying here a bit longer sounds good...” sleep was beginning to edge back into his voice, making it soften and mumble slightly. 

-Cas-  
Cas couldn’t help but smile softly at dean’s words when he spoke, or when he pressed a kiss to cas’ forehead.  
Now Leaning back against dean, Cas whispered against him.  
“I love you, dean.”

Although an angelic being, ever since he had been human for a short while, humanity had worn off on cas.   
He still retained some human habits, such as sleeping occasionally and eating. The food even tasted less like molecules now.  
So Even though he didn’t need to sleep, he found that as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back to dean’s chest, the gentle rhythm of the hunter’s heart beat and his slowed, steady breathing caused the angel to slowly fade from consciousness.  
He was in the world that resides between wakefulness and sleep when   
dean speak once more.  
“I love you too, castiel.”   
Dean’s response was the last thing Cas heard before slipping entirely into the clutches of sleep, letting it take him, a smile still on his face when he drifted off.

*****  
-dean-  
Dean pulled the Impala into the parking lot at the motel, cursing when he saw the time. Sam would be awake by now and probably wondering where the hell Dean was. He glanced at Cas, who was sitting in the passenger seat. “Well, here we are”

-cas-  
Cas sat in the worn passengers seat of the 1967 chevy impala, admiring the hunter next to him, still stuck in a daydream when the car came to a stop outside of a cheap looking motel.  
“Cas?”  
He heard dean say again.  
This time, the angel looked up to meet his gaze.  
Cas couldn’t help but smile softly at the hunter who’s kind emerald green eyes were being illuminated by the morning sun.  
The light that streamed in from the windows of dean’s beloved impala enveloped the hunter and him both in a golden glow.  
Cas has always found the man attractive.  
His beauty was not just surface level though. It ran through his veins like water does a river, his outward appearance but a mere reflection of the indescribable beauty of his soul.  
Castiel, angel of the lord, being alive for many eons, had seen countless breathtaking things. He had watched as empires rose and fell, as civilizations grew and then burned. He had watched as oceans formed, as mountains rose, and as it all fell away- but never, had he seen anything that had the affect dean did on him.   
“Cas, man- you alright?” He heard again as dean waved his hand in front of his face.  
“Yes- I’m alright. I apologize.” Said cas, dean’s voice snapping him back to reality.

-dean-  
Dean turned off the Impala, the smoothly purring engine silencing, before unbuckling and turning to face Cas, studying his face, trying to figure out what the angel was thinking about. “You sure? You were kinda zoning out there.” While asking this, Dean took a moment to appreciate how the amber sunlight shimmered in Castiel’s cerulean eyes and gave an almost golden hue to his dark hair and handsome features. 

-cas-  
Cas smiled at the hunter, realizing that this would be a good opportunity to try out some of the humor he had picked up from spending time on earth with humanity.  
“No, I’m not sure, dean. I’m cas.”  
He said, scrunching his face up into his best attempt at a wink.  
The angel congratulated himself. He really was getting better at this ”humor”.  
He knew that Claire, the daughter of his vessel wasn’t fond of it, and would disagree with him, but maybe that was because she didn’t understand.  
He knew dean would though. The hunter was very intelligent even if he didn’t show it all of the time.

-dean-  
Dean blinked, before realizing it was Cas’s poor attempt at humor, then snorted slightly, somewhat internally cringing from the addition of a wink. “That... was awful, dude.” Dean said, chuckling.

-cas-  
Cas felt his smile falter as dean spoke, before he quickly realized that this was yet another opportunity for him.   
“No, it was a joke, dean. Not awful.”  
He said, never breaking eye contact with the hunter as he contorted his face into a wink for a second time.  
He had heard this kind of humor before, although it had mainly been from middle aged men with offspring. Perhaps he needed to fit that description for the joke to be funny? He wasn’t sure.  
Humans and their customs were very confusing.  
He beamed up at dean who was now sitting closer with a look of what seemed to be a mix of concern and mild exasperation.  
“Is something wrong, Dean? Am I using this humor incorrectly?” He asked, his smile fading, and eyebrows scrunching as he tilted his head to the side in confusion at dean’s response to his joke.

-dean-  
Dean stared. “Dude. Have you been looking up dad jokes?” He grinned and shook his head slightly at Castiel’s eagerness and apparent confusion, both visible in the puppy-like head tilt. The angel’s attempts at humor were awful, but if Dean was being honest they were kinda cute too... in their own terrible way. 

-cas-  
“I am unsure of what a person’s familial status and position have to do with humor, but I assure you, I havent been ‘looking up dad jokes’ as you put it.”  
Cas said with air quotes around the last part.  
He smiled up at the hunter, their eyes locking as dean smirked softly.  
If cas was human, he was sure that he would be blushing.  
He had never quite understood when women that dean flirted with in bars started giggling like maniacs at the smallest gesture from him- but now that the smile was directed at him... well, he couldn’t help but feel his heart beat quicken.

-dean-  
Dean chuckled softly, a small grin in place. “Jeez, Cas.” he said, shaking his head affectionately “You look so damn hopeful every time you try to make a joke. It’s not fair.” Dean leaned over and placed a light kiss on Castiel’s lips, because screw chick-flick moments.

-cas-  
Cas was about to speak, but stopped at the feel of dean’s lips pressing into his softly.  
Flashbacks from mere hours previous rushed into his mind even though dean’s touch was innocent and light.  
He smiled into the kiss before the hunter pulled away.  
“Come on,” he heard dean say,  
“We shouldn’t keep Sam waiting.”  
Cas nodded and stepped out of the impala, closing the door to the car behind him, the scent of autumn lingering in the air around them as they stepped towards to motel.

-dean-  
Dean stepped out of the Impala, breathing in the crisp air. He mentally prepared himself for his brother’s questions when he stepped through the door, seeing as he had left without leaving a note or anything. He knocked on the motel door, then put his hands into his jacket pockets as he waited.

-cas-  
Cas watched dean closely as he knocked on the door to the motel and sighed. “Dean,” Started the angel, “what should we tell Sam?” He asked as the Hunter turned to face him. He continued talking when dean didn’t respond.   
“I am aware that you do not wish for Sam to know about what happened, bu-“ the angel was cut off abruptly as the door to the motel swung open, releasing a worried looking Sam Winchester, lore book tucked under his left arm. “What the hell, dean!?” Began Sam before turning to castiel, his gaze softening slightly. “Oh- hey, Cas. I thought I heard your voice out here too. Good to see, man.” Sam smiled at the angel as he spoke.   
Cas watched as Sam then looked back at his brother, with what dean called a ‘bitchface’ sweeping over his features. “Where were you?!” He asked as he moved aside slightly for the two to step inside the motel room, opening the door a bit wider to reveal an open laptop and several other books with sigils and odd markings on the covers of them sitting in haphazard piles on one of the twin beds that he assumed belonged to the younger Winchester.  
Cas followed dean as he made his way inside, Sam closing the door behind them a bit harder than necessary.

-dean-  
Dean strolled into the motel room, seemingly ignoring his brother’s irritation. “Quit with the face, Sammy. I woke up so I went out for a drive, ‘s all.” He said while leaning down and pulling a beer out of the small fridge. 

-cas-  
Cas knew that Dean was a fairly good liar when he wanted to be, however this one wasn’t very convincing and the angel knew that the younger brother wasn’t impressed by it as he looked from dean to the twin bed in the corner and then back, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

The rumpled sheets were swept across the surface of the bed like waves, a duffle bag lay at the foot of it, half opened.  
It was clear that dean had indeed spent at least part of the night there.

“Fine,” he heard Sam say. “But leave a note next time. Don’t just leave with a girl and not tell me you’re leaving. And- At least be honest about it. Don’t say you woke up early and went for a drive when your shirt is backwards and your flannel is inside out.”

Cas shuffled uncomfortably, at the mention of dean with a woman. This was yet another habit he had picked up during his days of being a human that had stuck with him.  
However, he couldn’t help but smirk when Sam mentioned dean’s appearance.  
Not wanting to be in the middle of the argument though, he avoided eye contact with the brothers, looking instead at the floor and at the pages of the open books resting on Sams bed, absentmindedly reading a newspaper clipping attached to one of the pieces of paper.

-dean-  
Dean glanced down at his clothes, realizing what Sam had said was true. His eyes flicked to Cas, who was reading something that was lying on the bed, for less than a split second, before looking back to his brother.   
He shrugged, pretending like Sam hit the nail on the head. “Fine I’ll make sure to update you the next time I get laid.” he said with a small smirk, then opened his beer and started drinking it.

-cas-  
As Sam sighed and turned towards the mini fridge to get himself a beer, Cas looked up at dean once more, catching the hunter’s eye. He quickly looked away again though to mask a small blush spreading across his face as dean winked at him.  
This kind of thing wouldn’t normally affect him like it was, but he had been becoming more and more used to the human habits that lingered after he got his grace back. Because he was the sole inhabitant of his vessel, it was now in a way cas’ body. It was simply being human that finally made him realize this and become more in touch with the fact.  
His body often did odd things in different situations, which cas found utterly fascinating.

When cornered or scared, his pulse would quicken, breaths more shallow and fast.  
When embarrassed, a dusty pink swept over his cheeks in a blush.  
When frustrated, he wasn’t able to think clearly and he felt himself grow warm more often than not.  
He had begun to associate the different habits and physical changes with specific feelings or predicaments, but even when not in one of those situations, all of these sensations made themselves known when in dean’s presence. He wasn’t sure why.  
He wasn’t scared, not embarrassed, not angry.  
With dean, he felt the opposite.  
He felt cared for, safe, trusted, and more at home with him than heaven ever felt.

So why, when the hunter winked at him after catching his gaze, did the angel blush and feel lightheaded and short of breath?  
It’s something he decided he would have to look into later.

-dean-  
Dean took a swig of his beer, walking over and picking one of the open books off of Sam’s bed before plopping down on his own. “So, you figure out what we’re lookin’ at yet?” He asked Sam, scanning the page the book had been left on. He definitely hadn’t missed the way Cas’s cheeks darkened almost imperceptibly when he caught his eyes and winked, though he pretended to, and barely refrained a grin.

-cas-  
Cas watched dean carefully as he sat down rather ungracefully on his bed, sinking back into the pillows and stretching his arms above his head, causing his layered flannels and shirts to ride up just enough to expose part of a hipbone.  
Castiel quickly dropped his gaze and looked away, instead raising his eyes to the youngest Winchester who was now riffling through the copious amounts of newspaper clippings, books, and journals that lay on the bed next to where he stood.  
Moving aside for Sam the giant, Cas found himself standing by dean’s bed. He still couldn’t bring himself to look back at the hunter though, so he kept his eyes averted and took to staring at his shoes.

-dean-  
Dean glanced up at Cas from where he was sprawled, taking in his awkward stance. “Your shoes sure must be interesting, huh Cas?” He said, signature smirk in place, joking tone in his voice, purposefully being a little shit.

-cas-  
Cas tilted his head in confusion, this time actually looking up at dean.  
When he saw the hunters smirk, the smile in his eyes and the sarcastically raised eyebrows, he narrowed his own eyes ever so slightly.  
He was playing mind games, wasn’t he?  
He was doing this on purpose, wasn’t he?  
He stood staring at dean, lost in thought when Sam cleared his throat uncomfortably, obviously both amused and trying to avoid the awkward silence that was starting to make itself known in the small cramped motel room.   
Cas broke their eye contact once again, feeling a slight blush spread over his face as he looked back at Sam. He shook his head slightly, trying to block dean out of his peripheral vision and to instead regain focus on Sam.

-dean-  
Dean watched amusedly as he watched Cas’s thought process, visible on the angel’s face. He grinned slightly when Cas broke eye contact after the staring contest before turning his attention to Sam, who was talking about something he found in some dusty tome.

-cas-  
Cas felt dean’s eyes on him as he turned to Sam who had been trying to get their attention.  
Castiel presumed that the topic of conversation was Something about a case. Whether it was a current case or prospective, he didn’t know. He wasn’t actually taking in much of what Sam was saying, distracted with the way dean shifted around on the bed behind him.  
Instead of turning to look however, cas simply tilted his head slightly again, pretending to take interest in what Sam was saying to them.

-dean-  
Dean shifted on the bed, propping himself up to get more comfortable. He was half listening to Sam, but the other half of him was devoted to getting lost in thought. He wondered how long he and Cas could or would hide their newfound relationship from Sam, and what might happen when he did find out. While going on this train of thought, he spaced out and completely missed Sam asking him a question.

-cas-  
Although dedicated to ignoring dean’s obvious cries for attention, he started to turn back around when the hunter didn’t respond to his brothers question regarding their current case, which now, Cas knew had to do with a possible vamp nest that was most likely responsible for several citizen deaths and disappearances over the past few months.

When he turned to face the bed where dean sat, he shot the hunter a concerned look, refusing to acknowledge how gorgeous the older Winchester looked, spread out casually on the bed, with several layers of previously inside out or backwards flannel now discarded next to a black duffle bag on the floor.

-dean-  
Dean winked at Cas when Sam turned around, and he smirked slightly when Cas flushed. It was barely perceptible unless you were watching, but apparent Castiel was very much watching. Dean sighed and stood up. “I’m gonna go get us some food. You want anything for lunch, Sammy?” he said, standing and going to grab Baby’s keys that had been previously thrown on the table.

-cas-  
Cas watched dean grab at the keys on the table as Sam scoffed at him.  
“Well that answers that I guess.”  
He heard Sam say in exasperation after dean failed to acknowledge his question.  
“Sure, Dean. Yeah, food sounds good.”  
Continued the younger Winchester after it became evident that dean was still paying about zero attention to what he was trying to say.  
Cas looked up at Sam and shrugged as if to say he didn’t know what was up with dean’s behavior either, which, of course, was true for the most part...

-dean-  
“‘Kay, I’ll be back soon.” Dean said, leaving the hotel room, he got to the Impala and started it, the engine rumbling smoothly. Once settled, he closed his eyes and said “hey, Cas. You can, uh” he cleared his throat “come along if you want” In all honesty, Dean wanted to spend more time with his new-found angelic boyfriend, but no way in hell was he gonna admit it. So he masked it as a nonchalant offer.

-cas-  
Cas couldn’t help but flinch as the motel door slammed shut and he turned to Sam, who at this point, looked just plain frustrated with how his brother was acting.  
Hearing Sam sigh, he turned back to face the “gentle giant”.  
As he did so, he felt a pull at his subconscious. Dean.  
Before Sam got a chance to ask if he knew what in the hell was going on with dean, Cas spoke up.  
“I will go check on him.” Said cas, giving Sam a knowing look.  
The relief on the younger Winchester’s face was palpable and he nodded with a small smile. “Thanks, Cas.”

-dean-  
Dean waited a moment after praying before opening his eyes. He heard a soft whoosh, and, looking to his right, he saw that Cas had appeared in the passenger seat. He was internally relieved that Castiel had decided to come. (Haha)

-cas-  
“Dean, are you alright?” Asked cas after seeing the look of tension on the hunter’s face. The look quickly disappeared when Dean looked up at his angel, but it had been there. Cas was sure of it.


End file.
